Life Lessons

As a parent, we are offered many opportunities to trick our children, tell them white lies, torture them, love them, duct tape them to the wall... ok.... so maybe I have never had to actually duct tape my kids to the wall but that doesn't mean it hasn't crossed my mind on occasion. My children have learned some real life lessons in their short lives.  The following is a brief list of true lessons. Read with caution.

1.) Under all circumstances, you must use a tissue on your nose and wiping your boogers on the bedroom wall is always a no- no. Saving them for later is not an option.

2.) It is necessary to wipe your bottom after going #2 even if it SEEMS like it was a "clean poop." I don't even know what that means but it required some serious reasoning on my part!

3.) It is not a safety violation nor will the police give me a ticket because I have allowed your imaginary friend to ride in the van without a seat belt.

4.) Leaving your imaginary friend in Wal-Mart after we have packed up the car and buckled up could put your real life in danger because this could cause Mommy to unleash the beast within her.

5.) Asking your sister to bite off your toenail even if it is hanging by a little bitty piece is NOT normal or funny.

6.) It is never a good idea to allow your brother to tie a piece of string around your loose tooth to pull it out even if he pinky promises to tie it around the "right" tooth next time.

7.) If you are not responsible and forget your homework, lunch at home, or other important papers I will not bring it to school for you. If you forget to tell me about a project, you will suffer the consequences at school and still have to do the project.

8.) People will laugh at you if you pee while walking into Wal-Mart. You should at least go between two cars and not tinkle while actually walking. 

9.) If I yell at you for not being responsible it is because I love you and if you don't pull your head out of your tush some time soon, chances are it will be stuck there forever. If this happens, who will give me tissue for my nose and force me to wipe my bottom when I am old? 
Love my kids and the lessons they teach us all!